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Jill Dando Jokes

How did Jill Dando feel at her job?
Under the gun.

I hear that Jill Dando was going to make a guest appearance on Just Shoot Me.

What's red and gathers dust?
Jill's passport.

What's a Jehovah's witness and Jill Dando's Killer have in common?
They both stand on your doorstep and do your head in.

What's the difference between Ruud Gullit's Wife and Jill Dando?
One sleeps with a Gullit in her Bed.

What does Jill Dando and George Best have in common?
They both ended their careers at Fulham.

What does a piece of cod and Jill Dando have in common?
They both get battered before lunchtime.

What TV program did Jill Dando not appear in?
Shooting Stars.

What's the difference between Danny Baker and Jill Dando?
Danny Baker survived the doorstep challenge.

Why is Crimewatch UK not being scrapped?
Because Nick Ross is terrified of getting the bullet.

Jill Dando had a new antique show for the BBC...
The shooting started this week.

Why did Nick Ross resign from BBC Crimewatch UK?
Because he needs the job like he needs a hole in the head.

What's the difference between a pint of beer and Jill Dando?
A pint of beer still looks good after you blow off its head.

What does the Kosovo Crisis & a 9mm bullet have in common?
Jill Dando can't stop either of them.

What was the last thing to go through Jill Dando's mind?
A 9mm hollow point bullet.

What does the new Hugh Grant film (Notting Hill) & Jill Dando have in common?
They were both shot near Chelsea.

Jill was really talented...
Her impersonation of John Lennon was dead on!

What's the difference between Jill Dando and a black taxi?
A black taxi can take 5 in the back.

What's the emptiest room in Britain?
The one where they'll be holding the auditions for the new Crimewatch UK presenter.

There are no flies on Jill Dando...
Not yet!

Bit of an overkill isn't it?
In America, they just fire the host or cancel the show...

Phil Hartman upon meeting Jill Dando In Heaven:
Hey don't you just feel shot on a day like today?

What's the difference between a dildo and a dando?
You put one in a box, and the other... ahhh, actually, they're the same.

Why can't Jill Dando hold her drink?
Because one shot goes straight to her head!

What's Jill Dando's new show for the BBC?
Wish I was still here!

Some say that Jill Dando was a lesbian...
She was killed by someone she fingered on Crimewatch.

What's the difference between a Dando and a Dodo?
One's a dead bird that used to hang around tropical beaches... the other one's a Dodo.

Did you hear a terrorist group has claimed responsibility for Jill Dando's murder?
It was Combat 18 - 30

How did Jill look best on tv?
In a tight shot.

Why can't you take Jill Dando for a drink?
One shot and she's on the floor.

What's got more brains than Jill Dando?
Her doorstep!

What does Jill and the Milkman have in common?
They both leave four pints on the doorstep!

Jill Dando is to star in a film next week…
No weddings and a funeral!

What does Jill Dando and Oliver Reed have in common?
They both had one shot too many

What colour were Jill Dando's eyes?
Blue. One blew to the left, the other blew to the right!

Knock Knock.
Whose There?
B A N G !

Jill gets engaged to a gynecologist...
Next thing she's fucked!

How did Jill get into the ambulance?
With a vacuum cleaner!

What's the difference between Jill Dando and a Prostitute?
You can shoot in a prostitutes face as many times as you want.

Have you heard? They've got someone for that Jill Dando job...
They start next Thursday 9:30 pm BBC1.

Visit Pigboy!

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