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Princess Di Jokes

What does DIANA stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident!

What does DODI stand for?
Died Opposite DI.

Did you know that Princess Diana had AIDS?
Automobile Impacted Diana Spencer

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porche?
Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porche!

What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates?
Wipe that greasy "merc" off your face.

What did Di wear for her funeral?
A dark blue bonnet.

What did Prince Charles say when he heard about the automobile accident?
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.

What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes?
They both make Royal Jelly.

What's the difference between a Mercedes 600 and a can of spam?
They give you a key to get the meat out a can of spam.

Why is a Mercedes like a squid?
They've both got Di in them when they're opened.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?
A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

Did you hear that Princess Diana was suffering from PMS?
Pulverised Mercedes Syndrome.

Why didn't the airbag on the Merc function properly?
It was strapped into a safety belt in the back seat.

Hear about the new Mercedes?
It comes with two airbags and three bodybags.

I've heard they are changing the name of Mercedes to Mercedes straights, because they don't benz very well.

Why was Diana in a Merc?
Because she flatly refused to get in any other car.

What does world hunger and a mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.

What's the difference between a BMW and a Mercedes?
BMW doesn't get any royalties.

What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking?
She hit the roof.

What's the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
Tiger Woods has a better driver.

What's the difference between George Best and Dodi's chauffeur?
George Best can still take corners when he's pissed.

Did you hear that Di has a new chauffeur?
Ayrton Senna.

Why wouldnīt you want to buy any computer hardware at Harrodīs?
Their drivers are crash-prone!

I hear the Ritz is looking for a new driver.
They want one with tunnel vision.

What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Di?
Thomas made it through the tunnel!

What was the last thing that Diana said to Dodi?
I want it hard and fast and up against the wall.

What does Princess Di turn into at midnight?
The wall

Did you see the wall Di drove into?
Neither did she.

What's Di's favourite ice-cream?

What happened to the fairy Princess when the clock struck twelve?
She turned into a pillar!

Did you hear they're blaming a specific tabloid for Princess Diana's death?
The Paris Post.

Warning for video games addicts:
Lady Di and her friends proved that playing too much 'columns' can be fatal.

What did Diana say to Dodi when he asked to marry her?
She wanted something more concrete in her life.

How did Di and Charles disagree about Modern Architecture?
Di was wrapt about pre-stressed cement.

What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car smash?
Was Fergie with her?

What's the difference between Dodi and Di and Charles and Camilla?
Dodi and Di are just a crush.

Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog. When a passer-by said "Morning", Charles said "No, just walking the dog."

What's Di getting for Christmas?
The Queen Mother.

How can you tell which one was Charles at the funeral?
He was the one talking to the flowers.

What has 500 legs and 62 teeth?
The front row at Princess Diana's funeral.

What does Dodi and Dodo have in common?
They are both extinct.

Dodi's Tomb was to be fitted with central heating until they realised that he already had a radiator on his chest.

Would Diana have been buried if she had been married to Dodi?
No she would then have been mummy-Fied.

What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring?
Aren't we moving a bit too fast!

Did Diana get a telegram from the Queen when she hit 100?

Why was the bodyguard so red-faced after the accident?
He had Di all over him.

Where were Dodi and Di heading the night of the accident?
To paint the town red.

What's harder than getting ink out of the carpet?
Getting Di out of the upholstery.

Was that blue blood on the pavement?
No, it was only Di.

What's Diana's newest title?
The Lady in Red.

Diana: dead as a Dodi.

Princess Di's driver was on his way to the pearly gates when he met God out front. He screamed, "God, what are you doing?". God replied, "What do you mean my son?" The driver replied, "I said I wanted to be fucking Di in the tunnel, not fucking die in the tunnel".

The way I understand it... someone yelled "Lady Di" and the driver thought it was an order.

What did Dodi say to his chauffeur?
"Do you want to come to Paris with me and Di?"

Why did Elton John sing at the funeral?
Because he's the only queen who cares.

Why did Elton john take his boyfriend to the funeral?
So at least one old queen would be seen to cry in public.

What do Diana and Versace have in common?
They both get screwed by queens and die.

Jerry Adams has denied that the IRA has asked the paparazzi for photos of the royal family and members of the British parliament.

Did you hear what Di said when the French photographers asked if they could take her picture in the car wreck?
"Over my dead Dodi."

What's the bumper sticker on Fergie's car?
I brake for Paparazzi.

When Diana said she would never talk to the British press again I didn't know she was speaking the truth!!

What does Diana's bumper sticker say?
My other car's a decoy.

How many paparazzis does it take to kill Di?
50. One to drive in front of Di and 49 to take pictures.

Why did Mother Theresa die of a heart-attack?
She had the same heart doctor as the one who worked on Princess Di.

What have Lady Di and a bottle of French wine got in common?
The both came from France in a wooden box

What happens when you french kiss a fairy tale Princess?
The frog turns into a wall and croaks.

It's just another example of Franco/German anti-British collaboration that has been going on since 1914...
Surely it's no coincidence that the world's best-loved English woman was killed by a drunken Frenchman driving a German tank.

What's worse than being chauffeured by a French driver?
Being treated by a French doctor.

What did the French photographer say to Princess Diana as she was pulled from the car wreck?
"What will you be wearing at the funeral?"

What were Di and Dodi's favourite group?

Why was Princess Diana so thin?
Crash diet.

What was the last thing Princess Di saw before she died?
The Windscreen.

How does a french man pickup Lady Di?
With a mop!!

What was the last thing she kissed?
The radiator!

Have you heard that Princess Diana was on the radio?
And the dashboard, and the windscreen, and...

Did you hear that Diana had Blue eyes?
One blew out the left window and the other out the right window.

Where was Di last seen?
On the radio

Where did Diana go for her holidays?
All over Paris.

Once again Princess Diana proves a big hit in Paris.

If Diana's heart was in the right place... why was it found in the glove box?

What do Lady Di and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact over in Europe.

So they found out Princess Di had dandruff. They found her "head and shoulders" in the back seat.

When Princess Di went out she said to her sons i'll be back in a Jiffey.

Apparently it wasn't the chauffeurs fault, Di had also been drinking, reports show she had 2 pints of Carling in her.

What did Will Carling, get over Dodi Fayed?
Will Carling scored while Dodi Fayed hit the post.

Why will they cremate Princess Di?
She won't fit into the coffin 'cause they can't get her to keep her legs closed!

Upon hearing about her death, one of Diana's lovers said,
"Well now that's my Thursday night's fucked... I wonder what Fergie's doing?"

What are the last two things Dodi did?

What would Diana be doing if she were alive today?
Trying to claw her way out of her coffin.

How do you make a princess pregnant?
Cum on the radiator and let the merc do the rest.

We all know where Princess Di was buried, but where was Dodi buried?
Who the fuck cares?

What was Diana's last dessert dish?
A Turnover.

What do you give to a princess who has everything?
A safetybelt and an airbag.

What does Princess Diana have in common with Hugh Grant?
They both bought it in the backseat of a car.

What's the similarity between Princess Di and a landmine?
They're both easy to lay but difficult to clear up.

What's the difference between Elton John and Princess Diana?
Princess Diana never became a queen of England.

Whats the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?
A Volvo has the heir-bag in the front.

What's the difference between Freddy Mercury and Princess Di?
Freddy lived long enough to be a Queen.

What does Di and Freddie Mercury have in common?
Both had to die to get away from Queen.

What's the difference between Diana and a pocketful of change?
It's easier to scrape together a pocketful of change.

What is the difference between Pricess Di and Michael Hutchence?
Hutchence was wearing a belt when he died.

Have you heard about the Princess Diana computer virus?
Your computer speeds up, your driver runs into a post processor, and your hard drive crashes.

Famous last words:
Don't worry I can lose them.

Princess Diana was once a kindergarten teacher.
Now she's history.

News Flash: Paris Terrorists now know that they need someting heavier or faster than a Mercedes to knock down bridges...

Bad news for Princess Diana's bulemia...
She's losing weight again!

Bill Gates was dissapointed to hear how Diana died...
Her Crashes affect more people than his.

Diana, Princess of Wales; formerly Diana, The Princess of Wales; now merely the artist formerly known as Diana.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the tunnel was blocked

How did Di finish her last tennis match ?
w.o. after the tie break.

How many bodyguards does it take to save a princess?
More than one.

What the difference between Ryan Giggs and Princess Di?
Ryan Giggs can take corners, and he doesn't hit the post.

Princess Di and Mother Theresa are in Heaven, when Mother Theresa notices that Princess Di has a bigger halo than she does. She asks God, "Why does the Princess get as bigger halo than me, she was a great person but I'm Mother Theresa."
God replies, "That's not a halo, it's a steering wheel"
[Submitted by Josh MacDougall]

What did Princess Di and Pink Floyd have in common?
They both had a hit with THE WALL.
[Submitted by nadsat via Forum]

What's the difference between Diana and Prince William?
One's Heir to the Throne and one was thrown through the air!
[Submitted by Kassy via Forum]

Where does Diana stay in Paris?
Any place she can crash!

[Submitted by Kassy via Forum]

Was Princess Diana really a stupid bimbo?
No, she had brains for everyone to see (well the Paris tunnel cleaners saw them anyway).
[Submitted by Texaco via Forum]

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