A plate of spagetti walks into bar. The bartender says "Get out of here,
we don't serve food!"
Three strings walk into a bar. The bartender throws them out, yelling
"Can't you read the sign?! I don't serve strings." The strings try
again, and again the bartender kicks them out. Finally, one of the
strings gets the idea to mess himself up a little. He walks into the bar.
The bartender scowls, "What's wrong with you? Can't you read? I don't
serve strings!" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a bar. The blind man picks
up the dog and starts swinging it around. The bartender asks, "What are
you doing?" The man replies "Looking around."
A mushroom walks into a bar. He sits next to a beautiful woman and tries
to pick her up. He gives her a few cheap lines, and she replies "Get out
of here, I don't want nothing to do with you!" Then the mushroom says,
"What's the matter? I'm a fun-gi!"
A fag walks into a straight bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here, I
don't serve fags!" The fag asks, "Is it alright if I just sit in the
corner?" The bartender accepts, and the fag sits in the corner. A few
hours later, a cowboy walks in and says, "I'm so thirsty I could lick the
sweat off a cow's balls!" The fag calls over, "MOO!"
Three men walk up to an empty bar. They share a few drinks, and one of
the guys turns to the other guys and says, "I bet ya my dick is longer
than yours." Both guys plop their dicks on the bar. "Yep, that's a
mighty long dick you have there, but mine is longer." The guy on the end
looks at both of them, and pulls out his, "but mine is longer still." The
guys agree, he had the longest dick. A few seconds later, a fag walks
into the bar, turns to the bartender and says, "I'll have what they're
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage
cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the
yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I
can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."
This skeleton walks into a bar and says,
"I'd like a beer and a mop..."
This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll ya
have?" The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."
A man walks into a bar and says,
"Who the bloody hell put that there?"
[Submitted by Amy Lloyd]
A man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head. The
barman looks over and says "You're not going to start anything in here, mate!"