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| RealHumour: UK Humour Portal V2 | articles | images | toplist | links |
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Men-Bashing JokesWhat can a bird do that a man can't? Why did the man cross the road? Why don't women blink during foreplay? Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Why did God put men on earth? Why don't women have men's brains? What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? What's the difference between government bonds and men? What's the difference between a man and E.T.? How are men like noodles? Why do men like BMWs? What do a vagina, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Why are men like popcorn? Why are men and spray paint alike? Why are men like blenders? Why is food better than men? Why do so many women fake orgasm? Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much? Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars? What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why do men have a hole in their penis? What is the difference between men and pigs? What do ceramic tile and men have in common? One day three guys were out walking, and they found a lamp. So, they rubbed the lamp and a genie poped out. He says "I'll grant you each one wish." These guys weren't so bright, so they all wanted to be smarter. The first guy says "I wish I was 10 times smarter." The genie says "POOF! You're 10 times smarter." The second guy says "I wish to to be 100 times smarter." and the genie says "POOF! You're 100 times smarter." The last guy says "I wish to be 1000 times smarter" And the genie says "POOF!! You're a woman!!" A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price. The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks "well, anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28". Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250" The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?" The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff." A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied. What is the thinnest book in the world? How do you save a man from drowning? How are men and parking spots alike? What does a man consider a seven course meal? What have men and pathing slabs got in common? On the Second day God says to Adam, "I have some good news... and some bad news." Adam responds, "Well tell me the good news first" What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? Moms have Mother's Day, Fathers have Father's Day. What do Single guys have? Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? The three words most hated by men during sex? Why do men take showers instead of baths? Three words women hate to hear when having sex? What should you give a man who has everything? Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. What is the thickest book in the world? What is the difference between a man and childbirth? Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? What do you call a man who lost 95% of his brainpower? When does a man open the door of the car for his wife? Why are gingerbread men the best men of all? Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men out? If one man can wash one stack of dishes in one hour, how many stacks of dishes can four men wash in four hours? What do you get when four men go fishing and one comes back after having caught nothing? Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away? What's a man view of safe sex? What do you call an intelligent man in America? Why were men given larger brains than dogs? How does a man take a bubble bath? Why do men name their penises? Why are married women fatter than single women? What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,and good-looking? When would you care for a man's company? Why do men get married? How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? Why are blonde jokes so short? What are a woman's four favourite animals? How can you tell if a man is happy? Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A recent survey asked 100 sexually active women if their twat twitched after sex. 98% replied "No, he just rolls over and goes to sleep." |
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