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Mommy, Mommy Jokes


Son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! 
Mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board!  

Son: Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big. 
Mom: Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!  

Son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big head? 
Mom: Don't worry about them. Now take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store. 

Son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl? 
Mom: Shut up and flush. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! 
Mom: Shut up and get the marshmallows! 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles? 
Mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel! 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper! 
Mom: Shut up or I'll grind your other hand. 

Son:Mommy, Mommy! My egg tastes bad. 
Mom:stop complaining! Just eat it! 
Son:Mommy, Mommy! 
Mom:What is it now! 
Son:Do I have to eat the beak as well? 

son:Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? 
mom:Shut up and eat your cornflakes! 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
Mom: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away? 
Mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun! 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox? 
Mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now! 
Mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today! 

Son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim? 
Mom: Shut up and get back in the sack! 

Son: Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child? 
Mom: Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere? 
Mom: Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!  

Son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me. 
Mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.  

Son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles! 
Mom: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. 

Son:Mommy, Mommy I don't want my hair braided. 
Mom:Shut up and lift the other arm. 

Son: Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie? 
Mom: Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf. 
Son: But mommy, I haven't got any arms! 
Mom: No arms, no cookie... 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet? 
Mom: Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute. 
Son: Can Granny take me? 
Mom: Why? son:Her hand shakes. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! 
Mom: Well throw some more gasoline on him then

Son: Mommy, mommy, can I buy a new dress? 
Mom: You know it won't fit over your iron lung. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.. 
Mom: Shut up Albert.... 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I can't? 
Mom: Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too! 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe! 
Mom: Good, it's working. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas? 
Mom: Nope. You already have your wheelchair. 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us? 
Mom: Now you know your little brother has no arms and legs! 
Son:Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second base. 

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