Add to favourites
realhumour.co.uk Visit our sponsor
RealHumour: UK Humour Portal V2 articles | images | toplist | links

Old People Jokes

An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where they teach one to remember things by association. Later, the man was talking to a neighbour about how much the class helped him. "Who was the Instructor?" the neighbour asked. "Oh, let's see," pondered the man. "Umm...what's that flower, you know, the one that smells real nice but has those thorns...?" "A rose?" offered the neighbour. "Right," said the man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the guy we took that memory class from?"

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old man, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

Whats pink, smells of piss and goes in, out, in, out?
A Granny doing the Hokey-Cokey.

There's three old women on a park bench, then a man jumps out of the bushes and flashes at them. Two of the women have a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

What does a 80 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old girl doesn't?
Her belly button!

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'

A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.
The old man said, "Sure!"
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
"Sure, why?"
"Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"

An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed, "What do you think we ought to do with it?"
With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.

Three slightly deaf old ladies walking down the road:
"Windy today."
"No it's Thursday."
"You better come in for a cup of tea then."

How does an older woman keep her youth?
By giving him money.

Visit Pigboy!

InstantHangover.co.uk

articles | images | toplist | links Copyright © RealHumour 2003