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Police Jokes

All the toilet seats at the police station were stolen. The thief is still at large, the police are having a time figuring it out, and they have nothing to go on.

A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club,
Police are looking into it.

A van-load of wigs were stolen yesterday,
Police are combing the area for clues.

A cop pulls over a guy. "Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

While in the back of a police car, one of the policemen asks a couple of prostitutes, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?" and one of them replied, "No, but i've been swung around by the tits."

What not to say...

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Bad Cop, no doughnut.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Boy you're good. I'll bet you had to do at least 85 to keep up with me.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
I thought you had to be in relativly good shape to be a police officer.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Is it true that the only reason your a cop is that you're to stupid to work at Burger King.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
How about a twenty, you ever see one of those before? - that's a lot of doughnuts and coffee.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Are you gonna check the trunk? - you really don't wanna do that.

What not to say to a Police Officer:
So, you on the take or what?

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Say, didn't I see you get your ass whipped on COPS last night?

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Yes sir Ponchrello!

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Wanna splint a joint?

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Here, hold this bloody knive for me will ya!

What not to say to a Police Officer:
Speeding? Me? No. I was just trying to get out of this stupid little bumfuck hick town filled with inbred retards as fast as I could.

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