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How many men does it take to open a beer?
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then... pow!... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh... my wife found out..."
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the National lottery!" Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!" The man responds, "I don't care ... just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema?
Why have women got small feet?
Why have women got legs?
How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
Why do women pay more attention to their faces than their minds?
What's the difference between a dog howling on the back porch, and a women howling on the front porch?
Did you hear about the new home appliance?
How do you tell if a girl is wearing panty hose?
Did you hear about the big drug bust at the airport the other day?
Why does the bride always wear white?
How do you change a woman's mind?
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
How is a woman like a condom?
Why is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Why did god invent alcohol?
Why do women have two sets of lips?
What is the difference between your job and your wife?
What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Why has women got two holes?
Why are women smarter while their having sex?
What do you call a room full of women with PMS and yeast infections?
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
How do you fix a woman's watch?
Why do men fart more than women?
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
I married Miss Right.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Why do men die before their wives?
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
How do you make a hormone?
Whats the difference between your wife and your washing machine?
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
The Perfect Breakfast: You sit down for breakfast and proudly look at your All-American son's picture on the back of the "Wheaties" box, your mistress is on the cover of the new "Playboy" and your wifes photograph is on the back of the milk carton, "Missing".
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