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Xmas Jokes

Santa Claus | Miscellaneous

Santa Claus

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!

Father Christmas wins a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause!

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar,
Santa drives a rusty car,
Press the starter,
Press the choke,
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

What does Father Christmas call his money?
Iced lolly!

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
Santa pause!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

Miscellaneous

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?"

What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
Have an ice day!

What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells...!

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles!

What's Christmas called in England?
Yule Britannia!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Beacause a little water ends both of them!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!

What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
Platform shoes!

What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight!

Whats happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

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